WTFs For Everybody!

Boy, are things getting wacky around here! Hey, somebody point me to the loony train, 'cause I think I'm ready to buy a ticket! I tells ya!

Before I do that, however, let me hop on the WTF bandwagon for a quick fuckin' joyride through What-The-Fucksville. Wheeee! Here we go!

WTF Bub Bubs? Get out of that lady's belly already! That's no place for bouncin'! And WTF crazy floating rocket platform? Where'd you get that sweet-ass chair? Fuckin' a, man!

WTF Ghana? I mean, what the fuck is Shito? And where the fuck can I get some, besides Ghana? Because Africa is a scary place! That's what news tells me!

WTF Ian? What's with all the commenting? Who the fuck do you think you are, Andy Rooney? Get with the fucking program already! Post some text, fucker! We all know you've got some fucking poetry just burning a hole in your dungarees. Emote, bitch! That's what the Internet is for!

WTF Nate? I don't know why, but it seems to be de rigueur to say so these days! And WTF French language? What the fuck do you mean? I don't speak you!

WTF Katie? I only say this because you said it first! I think it's like tag except all the other kids think I'm retarded and don't know how to play it properly. I mean it's just like tag! What a bunch of fucking assholes who play that game and don't even let me play! They won't even fucking let me be it! WTF Exclusion?

WTF Childhood? Why do you keep emerging from the dark recesses and making me do unholy things when I'm alone at night-times? And why doesn't notebook paper absorb blood better? WTF Mead?

WTF Brooke? I feel obligated to say this because we all know Nate can't WTF on his own! His is a timid disposition, not prone to outbursts of vulgarity and indignation. Plue there's a drunk throwing up on his fucking shoes right now! Look at him spew! It's like a goddamn light show! Your date to the reunion's gonna have pukey shoes! WTF New Orleans drunks?

WTF High School Reunion? What's with the fucking invitation? Are you trying to invent ways to make me not want to go? Dancing? Fucking mingling? Thirty dollars!? PayPal!?!? What do I fucking look like, Jimmy Fallon over here? You know how much a night of sad, drunken masturbation costs through PayPal? Fucking nothing, that's what!

WTF North Korea! I mean, what's your fucking deal? I'm half-fucking-Korean and I don't even get it! What's in your fucking kimchi?

WTF Patrick? What's your fucking problem? Can't you leave shit well enough fucking alone? And why beat the ever-loving-shit out of a weak premise like you're Lorne fucking Michaels? You know how much it would cost you to punch yourself in the face during a bout of sad, drunken masturbation? Fucking nothing, that's what!