Friday, March 13, 2009

Steven Seagal as rorschach test

Fire Down Below, Steven Seagal's all about saving the Kentucky wilderness and kickin' ass. He's just like Al Gore but not a communist. You're pumped to watch it, until you notice the travesty that is this work of art's star rating. 1 and 3/4 stars!?! How dare these movie elitists, that's down right un-American. I've got your back Steven... See below for some choice tidbits.

4 Stars

If this movie had come out when more of us were MORAL it would have rated higher. Too bad for the movie it came out when it did, truly it indicts our society! I loved it. Steven Seagal didnt really need to do a whole lot, but move, say his lines and carry the movie with the help of Marg Helgenberger through to its climax. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and especially its message. Do any of you even remember Billy Jack? Oh well, your loss!! (Wake up and smell the coffee!)

5 Stars

WAHOO! Amazing film! This movie has it all! Love ya, Steven Seagal! Great mountain music too! If you love America's natural beauty, like me, and hate what progress has done to our beautful mountain majesty, then this movie will win you over big time.

5 Stars

A message for Steven Seagal, I'm quite sure you don't pay attention to the negative reviews of these wannabe critics, who i swear to God, must be looking for Citizen Kane in every movie they see. In my humble opinion, they are richards, all of em'! As a guy, and not some film noire' afficionado, you always have what i'm looking for in movies, and thats the joy i get from surreptitiously kicking the crap out of predators and other very nasty people. Mix that with a nice backdrop of loyalty, honor and love of country and who needs more than that. I'm not looking for some timeless movie that transcends the restrictions of the imagination, I want to see you do the thing you do. You are a gift to movies and to all us guys out here, who will forever watch any movie you have anything to do with! Peace! chip Oh yeah, Fire Down Below was real good. A nice message and some serious butt-kicking. I know it's Hollywood, Cut!!! but your martial art skills are just unreal!

...That's right Steven! These negative Nancys are a bunch Richards! You’re a real American hero and shit.

Out.

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