procrastination hurts my brain

i always do this. wait until the last minute to face any kind of work, as miniscule and menial as it may be, i put it off until the VERY LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE and then I create a storm of angst within my mind that no other person could possibly penentrate, much less have any sort of desire to come near. this is how i torture my friends and family.

so here it is, three weeks left in the school year, so glouriously close to the sweetness of summer I can almost taste it - if it wasn't for this bitter film of doubt and self-loathing that I can't quite wash from my mouth. why do I do this? this is how I torture myself.

I guess I do work better under pressure, which is why instead of facing all of the menial and mundane tasks that lie before me to round out the end of a school year, I am currently drinking a beer and writing this blog. That way, I suppose, eventually my hand is forced, my decision made for me due to lack of adequate time to finish or rethink things. i guess that in the end, the amount of work I end up doing is the same. I just like to add that dose of obsessive behavior for good measure. hey, at least I got a cheap buzz in the meantime.

if I got paid for the time I spend just to THINK about the work I should be/could be/would be doing, I wouldn't have to actually work with kids at all.