i got all livestock

i may be right i may be wrong, but you'll miss me when you're gone. when i was growing up i hated trips to wyoming, i felt like an alien among relatives who were stubborn in their ways and kept their emotions and past a secret, the only thing they talked about was the ranch. my favorite uncle the only one i felt a quiet connection with would take me out on the horses, told me old stories of being my age and breaking his leg while trying to break a horse by hitting it in the face, apparently his punch wasn't strong enough, because the minute he got on the horse it threw his ass off and broke his leg. when you live on land, land that is your child, land you help harvest, land that fights wars with you, land that you see yourself in, land that holds your family history, you'd rather die than see that land taken away. unfortunately he was manic depressive, his wife johnnie wanted a divorce and was going to get half of the ranch, so he shot her, and then shot himself in his favorite spot on the ranch. my great grandmother whose funeral i just attended apparently married her first cousin, which is why in wyoming especially in baggs everyone has one of three last names. they sent her off to california to find a husband, but she was in love with her cousin and lied to her parents telling them she was pregnant with his baby, so they told her to come home, she had three sons, one being my grandfather who died early of a heart attack and, johnnie who i just mentioned killed himself, and the third, well, he survived. come to find out her husband killed himself, because he was sick and she had to work to keep the ranch going. wyoming has always had this eerie feeling for me, like everyone's lonely, but not really alone. but now i see it, it's their connection to the land, and the realization that they only have each other that drives them mad, and keeps their hearts tied to the land. this time i enjoyed myself for once, everything came out of the closet once my grandma died, and even though my uncle doesn't know my mom spilled the beans about him being gay, and that peter was not a family friend, but his husband of nine years to his sarah palin loving cousins, everyone was pretty intent on spending time with eachother, sharing stories, sharing beers and keeping the peace, it was the first time i could relate to them. i might even go back, if anything it's like a family reunion whatever town i went in considering the population of savery was 25, but when i saw two headed calfs and bobcats in the museum that belonged on the morgan ranch, i asked where the morgan's came from and my mom's cousin said, well they followed the mormon trail....ugh... they don't have direct relation to me, or at least i hope