Une année d'éducation beaucoup

We are now five days into a new year, new decade, new century, what have you, here in Crabclawland, although to be honest it probably hasn't been a whole year entirely yet...or has it? When did this thing start, anyway? No, I'm NOT going to click on the archives, what am I, a librarian?

Regardless...a year or thereabouts, and what have we all learned? Through the deaths and the forgeries and the re-births and the threats of death and various and sundry drunkenness, what can we all glean from this social experiment gone awry? Or, perhaps, gone exactly according to plan...I see you stroking your moustache mischievously, there, behind your entourage of trained-and-diapered chimpanzees...

I suppose this may differ for the individual. Some of us, surely, have learned nothing. These people are simpletons, of course, whose pea-brains no doubt struggle to force their mouths to sound out the syllables "In-ter-net" whilst instructing their right hands to make whirly motions across their desktop. But we shall ignore these wretches with the same careless aplomb that we do the poor and foreigners, and concentrate on only those of us whom are truly important...ourselves.

I'll start. What have I learned after a year of Corndoggin'?

1. There is one among us who apparently enjoys molesting other people's mothers, and they are NOT the one most of us would have assumed would enjoy molesting other people's mothers. Nate, thou hast been usurped.

2. Sexually predatory humor makes Ian feel all funny down there.

3. Consistently insisting that your account has been hacked is the least convincing way to convince people your account has been hacked.

4. If Brooke Weber were to move out of Bellingham, she would receive 50% fewer death threats.

5. If Ian were to stop making death threats, Brooke Weber would receive 100% fewer death threats.

6. If one were to compare Cornclaw activity with sexual intercourse, then one would find that we are split into two main groups: Those who have maintained a consistently pleasing level of humpage, spread out over a long period; and those who got all excited too fast too soon and have never been heard from since (we're still waiting for our CALL, assholes).

7. People can interact with each other on the Internet without resorting to acting like or calling other people shitheads.

8. Keep up the good work, shitheads.